A Million Little Pieces of Shit

Sometimes it is very cool to be right. Other times, it makes you reach for a bottle...


When I spewed my little rant about books (just a couple below this one), I really was just having one of those days. Don't you have days like that too? My anger there was fueled by my unfulfilled desire to have books be truthful and helpful and valuable. That desire is only the superficial manifestation of my true desire, which is that everything everyone in authority has ever said was true and not a steaming pile of crap. Alas, it seems my fear that far too many books are nothing but self-indulgent fertilizer is true. This guy's book is not only a best-seller, it seems that Oprah liked it too. My unfortunate quip regarding Oprah's Book Club doesn't seem quite as edgy as the first time I typed it. But, sometimes you don't have to make things up to prove your point. I wish James Frey knew that before he wrote "A Million Little Pieces" and inspired thousands of people suffering from addictions. God help him when Oprah gets ahold of his sorry ass.

Read the Expose at The Smoking Gun"

I hope they are wrong. We've got enough issues with credibility in this country.

"Woa There, Cowboy!"

In my mind's eye, I never thought that there would be lines stretched around the block to see "Brokeback Mountain" in the sprawling suburbs of Salt Lake City. Perhaps the film's setting, just up the road a piece in neighboring Wyoming, would stir interest, but I doubt most God-fearing (or LDS church fearing, whichever) people in Utah were going to care about the film one way or the other. And, I am also fairly certain that the folks at Focus Features, River Road Entertainment and Universal Pictures were not counting on the extra income generated from Utah showings to ensure the quarterly bottom-line. So, something that would have been a non-event has, yet again, become an event...

Frank Miller, the owner of the Megaplex at Jordan Commons (and the owner of the Utah Jazz basketball franchise) in Sandy (a suburb of Salt Lake City), Utah has decided that showing "Brokeback Mountain" was not in someone's interest. We're not sure who's interest is being protected since, at the time of this writing, no statement has been released to provide the reason the film was quickly pulled on Friday. I'm sure it was a business decision and nothing more. It would have to be, right? I mean CBC reports that Mr. Miller stated during an interview with KCPW-FM radio, "I don't think I'm qualified to be a community censor." So, now that we've got that uncomfortable little tidbit out of the way, we can explore what must be the real reason behind the sudden, unexplained and unusual removal of the film from the rotation at the Jordan Commons Megaplex 17 (and, I'm assuming, the other Miller-owned Megaplexes). Look, the guy only has 17 screens (correct me on that if I'm wrong...), so what can he do? He has a decent, upright and family-oriented community to serve. He can't waste precious screen time on some no-name movie that will probably go nowhere in the box office or with the critics. Utah wants wholesome, moral and uplifting films and Larry Miller is going to deliver for his community. Taking a quick look at his theater's web site I can see why Mr. Miller needed to remove "Brokback Mountain": He needed to make room for child and Mormon-safe films such as "Hostel", "Casanova" and, of course, "Grandma's Boy". So, you see, dear readers, he really had no choice. Now get off the man's back!


Look folks, I try to be open-minded, I really do. I'm going to state right off the bat that Larry Miller has the right not to show these films. He owns the theater and he can do with it what he wants. Do I like it? No. Do I respect his right to use his business in this way? Alas, I do. What I don't like is his duplicity of character. How can a man say that he isn't qualified to be the community censor on Thursday and then yank a controversial film on Friday without so much as a cowpoke joke? He scheduled the film, found out what it was and then pulled it with a call to someone using his forked tongue.

How can somone who feels that a homosexual love story is morally wrong justify showing a film like "Hostel", which touts itself as the most graphically violent film of all time? Is it taking the moral high ground to refuse to show the physical act of love between two men, yet make available the indescribable inference that a 71 year-old American icon, Shirley Jones, Mrs. Partridge for God's sake, gets stoned (no, not a good old-fashioned stoning Larry, but a Mary-jew-waanaa stoning) and also gets nailed by the grandson of her roommate? Good grief, to what will THAT drive Danny Bonaduce?

In the end, we all know what this is: censorship. Now that, oddly enough, is fine with me in this case as long as you call it what it is rather than stand behind some self-appointed moral office. Just say it Larry: "I don't want to see fags screwing!" I'd respect that more than what has happened here. Hell, even Pat Robertson is man enough to state his innane ramblings and allow us to judge the contents one way or the other. The irony here is that Mr. Miller has probably gone and stirred up more business for this film than he ever could imagine. Had he just offered it as an option and allowed the public to vote with their wallet, it would have closed the next week and no one would have cared. Of course that wouldn't have been the God-fearing thing to do, but it would have been the American thing to do.

Links:
Megaplex Theaters
CBC Story

Reading Between the Whines

Go into a bookstore. Sit down and just look around. Go ahead... look around... I'll wait...



If it is a locally-owned store, the odds are good that there will be less to observe. If it is chain bookstore, this will work better. Just look at all the books. Look at them! Lord have mercy, how many books are there in the world? How many opinions and ideas and thoughts and rants and stories and guides have there been? How many people have seen fit to share their wisdom with the world over these years of literacy? So many ideas on so many topics. So many ways to save yourself and the world. So many ways to finally find happiness in ten easy steps. So many first-hand observations of the great moments in history offered up through the filter of someone's philosophical, ideological or theological preference. Christ, so many words that have pretty much solved nothing. The world has wonderful things about it, but it is still largely fucked up in ways that scare even someone as jaded as I. What a waste. So many people thinking they know so much about so many things. What do they really know? What do any of us know? The only thing sadder than all those wasted trees is the fact that so many people think that this shit will really help them. They nervously fiddle with the hems of their clothes until Oprah tells them the next book to read. I love looking a shelves of books that are at odds with one another: Christian vs. Non-Christian, Capitalist vs. Socialist, America vs. the World, Atkins vs. Ornish, Free Weights vs. Machines, Rock vs. Rap, Windows vs. Mac. It goes on. Half the words written are outright lies and the most of the rest are probably suspect. But, if it makes us feel better, we'll overlook that.

Look, I'm not down on books. I love them as much as the next guy. I guess I find it depressing to see all this knowledge in one place and still having to acknowledge that we are as stupid as we've ever been. It is humbling (which is good) and discouraging (with isn't so good). Look, even if some books could actually help us, which ones do you read? How can you tell? There are millions of them! And most will never see the inside of your local bookstore. Bookstores, like TV, are not there to help you. Bookstores are there to turn a profit for the owner (unless they are a co-op or something similarly uncommon). Sure, some folks open stores to serve a point of view, but even so, most books ever written will never see the inside of your store. Those spots are reserved for the really important books. You know, like cookbooks and exercise books and life coaching books written by celebrities. I guess we get the world we deserve.

Sorry for the rant. I guess I'm just depressed. I think I'll go buy myself a book. That always cheers me up.

Sticker Shock

The new math is still totally lost on me.

I think we all can agree that (in spite of inflation and how much bread cost when you were a kid) a $20 bill is worth somewhere around $20. I think we also can agree that a quarter-sized sticker is probably worth 1 cent. But, to be kind and all, we'll spring for union-rate manufacturing costs and bump it up to a nickel. So, if I were to affix said sticker to the previously mentioned $20 bill, I think that we could agree that the total value of the new creation would be under $25. But, when you add the U.S. government to the mix, you get something quite remarkable:

Read the SFGate.com article

I really don't need anyone to explain to me why this bill will probably sell for $20,000 at an upcoming auction. What I need to know is: Why will this bill likely sell for $20,000 at an upcoming auction? I just need to know before I choose to shake my head, throw in the towel and walk around in footie-pajamas for the rest of my life. What the hell is wrong with us?

Your Show Can't Close Unless It Opens

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, consider this the first brick in the path. How can I reasonably be expected to ignore any intention to blog if I don't first create a blog to ignore? So, this is the opening slavo in the war with myself. Don't expect anything else.